If you want to live your life in a creative way...

The more I go through life, the more I realize I don't have much in common with most people. It's a hard thing to realize. Also finding that others whom I'd like to be around more and have more to do with are harder to--  how do I phrase this properly? fuck it.--it's harder to weasel my way in.


Where my like-minded babies at?

"If you want to live your life in a creative way, as an artist, you have to not look back too much. You have to be willing to take whatever you’ve done and whoever you were and throw them away. What are we, anyway? Most of what we think we are is just a collection of likes and dislikes, habits, patterns. At the core of what we are is our values, and what decisions and actions we make reflect those values. That is why it’s hard doing interviews and being visible: As you are growing and changing, the more the outside world tries to reinforce an image of you that it thinks you are, the harder it is to continue to be an artist, which is why a lot of times, artists have to go, “Bye. I have to go. I’m going crazy and I’m getting out of here.” And they go and hibernate somewhere. Maybe later they re-emerge a little differently."-- Steve Jobs, Playboy 1985

Painting for Sandra and Ryan.

I am doing a version of this painting for my Cousins, Ryan and Sandra for their living room.
Still working on the background. I am going to get more white tomorrow.

Here's a start:

 

The paint is really thin. 

I was just trying to get the canvas covered tonight.

I want more paint.

Thicker.

Luscious.

Fun to look at. 

Right now it's just a pretty thin wash.

More later...

More Baz.

Happy 21st, AllyHoe.

tee hee.
<3.

How To Be Alone.

If you are at first lonely, be patient.If you’ve not been alone much, or if when you were, you weren’t okay with it, then just wait. You’ll find it’s fine to be alone once you’re embracing it.
We can start with the acceptable places, the bathroom, the coffee shop, the library, where you can stall and read the paper, where you can get your caffeine fix and sit and stay there. Where you can browse the stacks and smell the books; you’re not supposed to talk much anyway so it’s safe there.
There is also the gym, if you’re shy, you can hang out with yourself and mirrors, you can put headphones in.
Then there’s public transportation, because we all gotta go places.
And there’s prayer and mediation, no one will think less if your're hanging with your breath seeking peace and salvation.
Start simple. Things you may have previously avoided based on your "avoid being alone" principles.
The lunch counter, where you will be surrounded by “chow downers”, employees who only have an hour and their spouses work across town, and they, like you, will be alone.
Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone.
When you are comfortable with “eat lunch and run”, take yourself out for dinner; a restaurant with linen and silverware. You’re no less an intriguing a person when you are eating solo desert and cleaning the whip cream from the dish with your finger. In fact, some people at full tables will wish they were where you were.
Go to the movies. Where it’s dark and soothing, alone in your seat amidst a fleeting community.
And then take yourself out dancing, to a club where no one knows you, stand on the outside of the floor until the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you. Dance like no one’s watching because they’re probably not. And if they are, assume it is with best human intentions. The way bodies move genuinely to beats, is after-all, gorgeous and affecting. Dance until you’re sweating. And beads of perspiration remind you of life’s best things. Down your back, like a book of blessings.
Go to the woods alone, and the trees and squirrels will watch for you. Go to an unfamiliar city, roam the streets, there are always statues to talk to, and benches made for sitting gives strangers a shared existence if only for a minute, and these moments can be so uplifting and the conversation you get in by sitting alone on benches, might of never happened had you not been there by yourself. 
Society is afraid of alone though. Like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements. Like people must have problems if after awhile nobody is dating them.
But lonely is a freedom that breathes easy and weightless, and lonely is healing if you make it.
You can stand swathed by groups and mobs or hands with your partner, look both further and farther in the endless quest for company.
But no one is in your head. And by the time you translate your thoughts an essence of them maybe lost or perhaps it is just kept. Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself, perhaps all those “sappy slogans” from pre-school over to high school groaning, we’re tokens for holding the lonely at bay.
Cause if you’re happy in your head, then solitude is blessed, and alone is okay.
It’s okay if no one believes like you, all experiences unique, no one has the same synapses, can’t think like you, for this be relived, keeps things interesting, life’s magic things in reach, and it doesn’t mean you aren’t connected, and the community is not present, just take the perspective you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it.
Take silence and respect it.
If you have an art that needs a practice, stop neglecting it, if your family doesn’t get you or a religious sect is not meant for you, don’t obsess about it.
You could be in an instant surrounded if you need it.
If your heart is bleeding, make the best of it.
There is heat in freezing, be a testament. -- Tanya Davis.

Look closely! The International Space Station in front of a full moon.

<3

Spring '11.

 

So, I thought I was going to be able to take Botany this semester, but as it turns out, you need Biology as a prerequisite and instead of that I was going to take Plants and Human Society for non-majors... which sounded fantastic right? How do the two link up? I heard this and was smitten. But... it had a time conflict with my drawing IV class. So, I tried a few other routes of having more than two classes this semester but no matter what I tried, nothing worked. 

So, I'm enrolled in Drawing IV and Sculpture I. 

I'll have plenty of time to work on ceramics and my paintings.

I'll also have plenty of time to work.

Maybe this is a good thing, after all.

But i can't help but feeling very sad about that class. 

It sounds so great.

One day, perhaps. 

a sign in vidor.

Nala. Baz.

 

Mirrored up!

The New Year, and Nala.

 

Me-- really excited about the new year. 

 Bagheera Nala.

She was laying with me for a while.

Then it was too much togetherness for her taste...

"Ahhhh, that's better. Safe... at a distance", she says.

I've come to the conclusion that Nala has a nervous disposition

and I'm gonna get her some herbal remedies so she can feel calm.

i just cannot do it anymore....

 

 

happy fucking new year.